‘The night he kissed me was the night I said I’m tired.’
I wake up at dawn, everytime. Looks like it became part of my body clock and system. This is my worst nightmare. I always have nightmares but what I hate about it the most? I’m awake. It is not a bad dream. It is a very sad and scary reality that makes me wanna cry everytime I see it but I can’t. I struggle not to imagine the worse. I fight not to look. I force myself back to sleep. Would you hate me? Would you say it’s weird? Would you call me flirt? But my sleeping pill is me hugging him. In this way I could drive him away from the other; so he wouldn’t be doing what he shall not. This is not selfishness. This is love, a one-sided love.
I decided to proclaim my defeat. And after doing so, he did the unexpected – an unconscious kiss. And it’s too late. And I hate that I have to accept the fact that this was my first kiss. Epic indeed.
Two nights after..
‘Respect was the risk but caress was the prize.’
Define the relationship? Every move that he makes lets me hope for love but obviously no matter what happens, whatever I do and how long I may wait, there is a zero probability that he’ll consider me in his future, unless, he would change his perspective which my friends emphasize. Once done, it is already on his system. You’ll just get hurt.
The best advice so far: “It’s not you, it’s him. You are still beautiful. You are still fuckin’ lovable!”
This made me realize and remind myself again of my selfworth. I was left of the thought that choosing friendship over being lovers is forever. But you see, I have to live my life too. If I have to go, I will. I should.
More on my FB Page: Diary Of A Never Been Kissed